Book Features

Do you feel loved? At many points in my life the answer to that question was a resounding “NO”. Thankfully, what I discovered through introspection and working with clients allowed me to turn that completely around. So if you feel a void of Love in your life, whether it is towards yourself, your relationships with others, or your day, I invite you to keep reading because this book is meant for you.

Truth is, no matter how it may seem right now, you are right where you’re supposed to be. I am not referring specifically to the book, although the fact that you’re reading it means that it is the right time for you to do so. I mean your life. That could be a tough pill to swallow because life may be a box of chocolates but many of them are filled with flavors not often advertised.

You may have arrived here feeling great about your life and are just interested in new tools which will help you grow. Or, on the surface, everything appears perfect but, deep inside, you have a sense that something is missing. Alternatively, you may have just gone through a tough stretch and are hoping to mend a broken heart. Whatever your reasons are, just know that you are right where you’re supposed to be.

Because wherever you are, you are already on the path to a love-filled life. It is a journey on which all of us embark. While we begin it at different points in our lives, the destination is the same. It is where all of us belong. It is our natural state of being.

When I ask my clients to talk about love in their lives, they typically mention their kids first, then their significant others, then things they love doing. Some quickly correct themselves because they have “forgotten” that they also love their family, parents, etc. However, no one has ever gotten to saying anything about loving himself or herself.

When I inquire about it, most seem surprised at the question. “Of course I love myself” is the usual response. When I ask them to tell me what they love about themselves, silence comes followed by a lot of introspection and a search for something to say because it is uncomfortable to stay quiet. Alternatively, they start trying to show how they love themselves by listing superficial examples such as: “I buy myself nice clothing”, “I treat myself to a massage every week”, etc.

Sometimes there are responses that focus on the word “like” as opposed to “love” such as “I like my personality, I am fun/trusting/open/etc.” Occasionally, they pivot and answer with what others like about them, again not using the world love. It is as if saying something about loving themselves is taboo.

Thus, as you and I start our exploration, please grab a pen and paper and allow yourself to take a moment to answer a few questions:

Let’s get philosophical for a moment and explore life’s irony. Why is loving others the most natural and at the same time, seemingly, the most difficult thing to do? It is a strange phenomenon. We are drawn to each other, we yearn to love and to be loved and yet relationships fall apart at spectacular rates. What magic is at hand?

It could be argued that most of us don’t really know what love is. Just look at the lyrics of one of the greatest songs of all time (based on Rolling Stone’s list) “I want to know what love is” as an example:

I want to know what love is, I want you to show me.

I want to feel what love is, I know you can show me

It is a perfect illustration of what many feel about love – they don’t know what it is and they want someone else to show it to them. But what happens when they do, we think we are in love and dive in, then when euphoric cloud parts we believe that love is gone. We think the other person isn’t who they “claimed” to be and problems start. If we decide to stick it out, we search for solutions and then get really confused.

Because in our times everyone around you seems to have an answer, but most often the information is contradictory. For instance, which one is it “opposites attract” or “like attracts like”? Is love a “sacrifice” or “everything”? Does one need to search for love or wait for it to find you? Should love be hard work or effortless? Incongruities are